I didn’t realize that water towers were for water pressure. I thought that they were an emergency supply of water. I finally realized that soft drinks are called soft drinks because there’s no alcohol in them and alcohol makes something a “hard drink” Familiar with MJ’s song “I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause?” For 26 years I thought to myself, what a cheating, unfaithful bitch. Then it dawned on me that the Santa was the dad. I thought magnesium was a miracle drug since it was always listed on my medication. Then I realized mg stands for milligrams. I learned what marital status was when I about 18. For some reason I always read it as martial status, as in martial arts. I took karate when I was younger so on my first few job applications I wrote “yellow belt” instead of single. Worcestershire sauce isn’t pronounced “wister-shister”. Thanks Dad. Eeyore is the sound a donkey makes I was well into my 20′s when someone told me that the only reason my mom had me buy shoes with two finger lengths worth of room in the toes was so I wouldn’t grow out of them so fast. I had been wearing shoes a half size too big ever since my feet stopped growing. I learned that “blowjob” didn’t mean “hair styling”, two years after a girl offered me one, and I said I liked my hair the way it was. I was fourteen when she inquired. That the words to La Bamba are NOT “La la la la bamba”. I speak spanish and i didn’t know this until i was singing along to it in my car with my latina girlfriend this last spring and she said, “You know those aren’t the words, right?” The proper words for that part: Para bailar La Bamba… It’s Espresso. Not Expresso. I always heard the term prima donna but never saw it spelled out until I was about 25. Yes, 25. Until then, I thought it was Pre-Madonna, as if there was also a Post-Madonna. Biggest facepalm ever. When i was young i tried to be cool and say i wanted a “Roman Coke”. I was told it’s actually a “rum and coke.” “For he’s a jolly good fellow, that nobody can deny!” I thought it was the fellow himself that nobody could deny, not the fact the he is jolly good. Girls probably would have dated me if I had just asked some of them. Pickles are made from cucumbers. I was 20. That was a turning point in my life. I always thought the slogan was, “Nobody does it like Sara Lee.” I figured out surprisingly recently that it’s, “Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.”
This was too funny not to share.
And uhh.. noooo.. err.. uhh.. I’ve never had any of these realizations.